Okay so I haven’t written anything in a while, actually I haven’t writer anything in like forever, and it was right this second getting nostalgic after repeating for the 5^th time the Lionel Richie cover of “hello” in 14^th glee episode “Hell-O” that I felt like I should say something… Even when I know that most people won’t even read it I just felt like talking about how I feel lately.

Seems to me that no matter how old I am I’m always ahead, after my last relationship and all the persecution it provided me with I was finally starting to feel like I wanted good from life again, things were shiny and bright and everything bloomed all over the place. I found somebody and I thought “This is it” very Michael Jackson from me… Difference is that was “it” for him. For me, well I didn’t die.

Now it just feels like all the time and effort I put into that blooming process is going to hell, well it actually feels like it went to hell already. I’m not sure if it’s the blooming process that doesn’t really exist and we just make it in our minds like loneliness and a whole bunch of other crazy shit we create just so we can get into that Emotions cart and take a spin in that deadly roller coaster ride, or if it’s just like the whole “blooming” it’s actually a roller coaster ride and we never get off long enough to like it down there.

I’m very concerned about all that this relationship issues are bringing to me, just a few days ago I wanted to see me working successfully as an architect, with a “husband” at a beautiful house with a cat and traveling around the world, doing things together and eventually a baby…

I don’t know why but everything that relationship stuff comes up I feel a little bit like I failed… like I always end up choosing wrong, this guys that never ever really value my effort and the stuff I do and how hard I work… I want a boyfriend, I want a relationship not just a very cute guy scared of planting seeds that will grow into a love tree…

I’ll end up saying something that I read in someone’s nick on Blackberry messenger that really help me figure some stuff out… and made me realize that maybe in two years I’m going to be wishing I was where I am now…

“lo que hoy no se valora, mañana se lamenta”

Thank u Manu

PS: Galaxyan I felt like even when u haven’t been pushing my motors you’ve been writting a lot and talking about it so i felt encouraged to do so because of you…

… I recently woke up and it seems like the whole thing’s been done already.

Ricko’s leaving to ccs soon and I’ll be all bymyself again…

I’m not really sure how I got to this point where rain means absolutely nothing, and the chages of weather are just like the time that passes in my two days slow watch, Like the wind doesn’t sing among the trees anymore or like the sun isn’t warm enough although it’s ridiculously hot in here.

Maybe I just have to stop lying to myself… Maybe all I have to do is tell the truth but, is that seriously going to make me feel better? Stable empty? or Floating Happy? wtf?

I’ve always played vampire… eventually I feel like it’s a lil more true than it actually should…

A Heartless lil Fucker… Edd